fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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