To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
