would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
