Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
