I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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