I must be too annoying 4 u.
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize