question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
