And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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