What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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