almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
