four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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