the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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