After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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