i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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