We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
