So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
