You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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