Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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