Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
did i walk over a car last night?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
