I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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