I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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