Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
