Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
