I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
