By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
