I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
