Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
