were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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