look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
