if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
