he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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