I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I FOUND THE LEGS
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