apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
