Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize