does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
