She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
