He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
