we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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