If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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