Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
