I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
