I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
