so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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