so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
