You're earring is so big in my mouth
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
