The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
