Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
