When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
