when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
