White coat. Heels.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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