I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize