This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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