They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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