none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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