u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just googled if crying burns calories
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
