i don't plan on having that self control this summer
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
