roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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