he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We left the knife in your bed.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
