the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
