Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
